Welcome to the January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting resolutions!
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month we’re writing about how we want to parent differently — or the same — in the New Year. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
Most people make resolutions in the new year. I find the name ‘resolution’ leads to instant failure. I don’t know, does it have a negative energy attached to it after so many years of people failing to get to the gym on the third day I wonder?
Instead I’m going to focus on goals. Although I parent as consciously as I can, I still have really bad days. Days when I could be more attentive, less impatient, less angry and well, altogether *kinder*.
In fact, this carnival has come at an interesting time. The other night I woke up crying from a dream – a dream in which my daughter was bugging me, pushing my buttons and acting altogether unkind and even though I knew she was over tired and over stimulated, I really wanted to lash out at her. I wanted to call her names and I think I remember in this dream almost getting to the point of hitting her. I woke up just before this, sobbing.
My daughter and I always discuss our dreams first thing in the morning and I was reluctant to tell her about this one. But I did share a toned-down version. I focused most on how the dream made me feel – upset, sad, out of control, guilty …
And herein lies the very thing that could become my parenting goal for 2010: my daughter’s response was “Well you know, you shouldn’t be upset because even though you WANTED to lash out at me, you didn’t. So this dream is really easy to interpret; it means that next time you feel angry with me, you shouldn’t get so mad.”
And with that she turned around and hugged me.
So here is my goal. To take a couple of seconds to breathe deeply into my abdomen before reacting to a situation that is angering me.
I know it’s simple and effective and I know it will help me move from a space of reacting to responding which means my response can be more proportionate, measured and helpful to the situation. Just why do I find it so hard to do?
Tell me, how do you deal with those moments that push your buttons? Does your inner child rise to the surface screaming or does your wise adult manage the situation?
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
• To Yell or Not to Yell — The Adventures of Lactating Girl
• It Is All About Empathy: Nurturing a Toddler’s Compassion Potential — Baby Dust Diaries
• To my babies: this year… — BluebirdMama
• Mindfully Loving My Children — Breastfeeding Moms Unite!
• January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Resolutions — Code Name: Mama
• Imperfect Mother — Consider Eden
• Resolutions — Craphead (aka Mommy)
• FC Mom’s Parenting Resolutions 2010 — FC Mom
• What’s in a Resolution? — Happy Mothering
• January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting resolutions — Hobo Mama
• Natural Parenting Resolutions — Little Green Blog
• This year, I will mostly… — Look Left of the Pleiades
• Parenting Resolutions — The Mahogany Way
• I Resolve to Breastfeed In Public More Often — mama2mama tips
• Moving to Two Kids — Megna the Destroyer
• Use Love — Momopoly
• My parenting resolutions — Musings of a Milk Maker
• Talkin’ ’bout My Resolutions — Navelgazing
• Parenting Resolutions — One Starry Night
• Invitations, not resolutions — Raising My Boychick
• No more multitasking during kid time — The Recovering Procrastinator
• I need to slow down, smell those roses AND the poopy diapers — Tales of a Kitchen Witch Momma
• Resolutely Parenting in 2010 — This Is Worthwhile