Love and partners

Welcome to the February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Love and partners!

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month we’re writing about Love and partners and whether a co-parent has supported our dedication to natural parenting; or not. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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Lauren and Dionna from the Carnival of natural parenting asked the probing question: “How has a co-parent supported your dedication to natural parenting – or not?”

Well I have to hand it to him, Mr Green is one of the most loving, supportive and encouraging men I have ever come across and there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t thank the Universe for him being in my life.

Fortunately we have agreed on every stage of our parenting. From the moment of conception, the pregnancy, birth and the day to day care and upbringing of Little Miss Green who is now 8 years old.

To be honest I could go on and on about how wonderful he is, but I wonder how interesting that would be for anyone else to read! Instead I’m going to share an excerpt with you of his version of our birth story which was sent to the homebirth group we were involved with at the time. It’s a wonderful piece of writing which still to this day, brings tears to my eyes when I read it.

I hope you enjoy it too!

Mr Green’s Birth Story

“The birth went something like:

Sunday 8.45 am – waters broke naturally, but cervix anterior lip noted. My wife had to restrain pushing for the next 1hr 45 min.

10.00 am – onset of birthing now full swing. (Second stage)

2.09 Baby born in pool underwater. Weighed in at 9lbs.1oz!!

Second stage

My comments go to that period of over 4 hours between onset of second stage and the delivery. By any account this I believe is a remarkable feat of endurance for any woman to go through. My wife, although in trance, was able to talk, move about and feel this experience, as this is essential for the internal physiology.

After an hour of pushing she was exhausted, and the contractions were dying in strength and frequency. Together we worked at looking for the wave of the next contraction, literally forming it in the imagination, then releasing it into her body. Time and time again she kept looking for the next contraction, building it up, then feeling it work powerfully in her uterus.

I CAN do it!

After three hours of this, she was really exhausted, and the midwives were already whispering to each other and making phone calls in the next room. We later learned that the ambulance had been called, and was outside on standby. The midwives were just waiting for the inevitable cry of “I can’t do any more!”.

My wife decided we should go back into the pool and try again as the water gave her comfort and buoyancy. That next hour was a truly awesome experience for both of us. Once again, she found strength and determination that I thought was impossible for anyone at this stage of exhaustion. Finally the head began to appear, only to slip back again. We were so close! And yet there was so far to go to bring it all the way through.

By now the supervisor midwife had been called; she made it clear that if the baby was not born really soon we would have to go in to hospital. They were checking foetal heart rate now every 2 minutes, but still it was strong and calm.

Power of visualisation

My wife, however, was losing strength by the minute. She straddled across me in the water and together we dug deep into the core of her being, breathing in energy with every breath and visualising strong ‘tsunami’-like contractions to surge through her body and deliver this baby. Time and time again they came, the head kept appearing and then slipping back, but ever so slowly there was more and more remaining and we could eventually stroke baby’s soft dark hair.

Suddenly we realised it was finally happening, and my wife found one last powerful contraction and the head was born, baby’s eyes open underwater. Her body followed, and she finally came to the surface and straight into mummy’s arms. It was a most dramatic and intense experience. The midwives were rapturous and relieved. My wife had performed a miracle of strength and endurance, which was truly remarkable to witness.

Human strength

This story I feel is of importance to home birthing because in hospital the 2nd stage of delivery would never have been ‘allowed’ to continue so long. They would have soon been in there with their tools and drugs. And yet you ladies are so amazingly strong! When the chips are down, on your own territory, somehow you CAN find that strength that is beyond human ability. Deep within, you have resources that you are ordinarily unaware of. Nature has completely equipped you to ‘do the business´, providing you are given the chance – believe in yourself, trust your body and mind, connect with your instincts, follow your intuition and you will achieve miracles.

The power of the woman

What I witnessed will always remain a tribute to the power of the woman. Something truly primal, and deeply moving. So here I am a week later finding it hard not to empty my head of all the superlatives and praise I know to honour my wonderful brave partner. Last week she was truly the ‘worrier’. Battling against exhaustion and the encroaching threat of medical intervention. Today she sleeps, still nursing the wounds of birthing, yet with softness, love and gentleness towards our child at her breast. How amazing, rich, and expansive is the female spirit! At a time like this, men can only look on in humility and awe. You truly have our deepest respect; we could never even come close.”

So there it is – a tiny example of the extraordinary support, encouragement and love that my husband gives to me every day. 🙂

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be updated Feb. 9 with all the carnival links, and all links should be active by noon EST. Go to Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama for the most recently updated list.)

• A Thank You to my Husband — Lactating Girl at The Adventures of Lactating Girl thanks her husband for keeping her grounded and giving her unwavering support in the face of discouragement from within and without. (@lactatinggirl)
• My Reverse Traditional Husband In the Wild — Paige at Baby Dust Diaries gives us a lesson on how dads in the wild parent their young. Can you guess which male animal actually nurses its young? (@babydust)
• February Carnival of Natural Parenting — TopHat at The Bee in Your Bonnet tells us how the patience of a partner can make a difficult breastfeeding relationship succeed. (@TopHat8855)
• Parenting Together — For Alison at BluebirdMama and her husband, parenting is simply an extension of the way they live. (@childbearing)
• If We Had A MIllion Dollars — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! and her husband would both agree to be crunchier parents if they had a million dollars to ease the way. (@bfmom)
• February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Co-Parents — Dionna at Code Name: Mama has written a letter to her husband, thanking him for his incredible support in every aspect of their natural parenting journey. (@CodeNameMama)
• Natural Parenting Fathers — Sarah at Natural Parenting is balancing being all there for her son with being present for her husband. (@considereden)
• Just Wonderful: Love and Partners and Natural Parenting — Zoey at Good Goog let her husband lead her to babywearing and cosleeping. (@zoeyspeak)
• All that stuff I don’t get comes so easy to him — The Grumbles is taking this opportunity to say thank you to her husband for his mad parenting skills. (@thegrumbles)
• The Power of Having a Supportive Co-Parent — Chrystal at Happy Mothering and her husband started with vaccinations and moved on from there. (@HappyMothering)
• February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Love and partners — Lauren at Hobo Mama makes do with babbling incoherently about how her husband practices natural parenting in such an effortless fashion, with bonus video. (@Hobo_Mama)
• Love and Partners — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog shares her husband’s moving account of her birth story, and his testament to the power of a woman. (@myzerowaste)
• labor support… — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children is thankful that her partner has provided her immeasurable labor support through each of their last three unassisted homebirths (and will again for their upcoming fourth!).
• What co-parent? On prams, routines, ideals, sickness, and finding my way alone. — Ruth at Look Left of the Pleiades describes life without a present co-parent: making new choices and taking care of things herself. (@brightravenmum)
• Parenting With Support — How many people can say that their husband talked them into cloth diapering? Darcel at The Mahogany Way can! (@MahoganyWayMama)
• Co-Parenting Support — Summer at Mama2Mama Tips knows the importance of being supported in the face of criticism. (@mama2mamatips)
• Natural Parenting Carnival: Love and Partners — pchanner at A Mom’s Fresh Start has been blessed with an incredibly involved partner. Her husband loves to take part in every aspect of parenting! (@pchanner)
• Daddy’s Little Girls — Kate Wicker at Momopoly finds her husband right at home in a tangle of girls. (@Momopoly)
• How do I love my parenting partner? Let me count the ways. — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker is thankful that she and her partner co-parent fluidly and gracefully. (@mamamilkers)
• Interview with a Daddy — NavelgazingBajan brings us a highly amusing peek into her husband’s perspective.
• Being Supported in Natural Parenting — Sarah at OneStarryNight has witnessed both ends of the parenting spectrum, and is grateful she found a father who is comfortable with natural parenting. (@starrymom)
• Moments in time: a love letter — Arwyn at Raising My Boychick will make you cry with the beautiful way she describes the complete relationship between father and child. (@RaisingBoychick)
• Natural parenting converts — Jen at Recovering Procrastinator brought her reluctant husband around to cloth diapers, bed sharing, and time-ins as a discipline method. (@jenwestpfahl)
• Breastfeeding Father — Amber Strocel at Strocel.com describes how her husband helped her overcome the breastfeeding challenges she encountered with her premature daughter. (@AmberStrocel)
• A Natural Parenting Village — Acacia from Art, Body & Soul, in a guest post for Jamie at Suddenly Stay at Home, broadens the term “coparents” to embrace supportive extended family on both sides. (@SuddnlyStyAtHme)
• A Natural Dad — Shana at Tales of Minor Interest doesn’t have a husband who merely supports her — she has a husband just as dedicated to natural parenting as she is.
• Love and Support From My (sometimes pantsless) Man — Joni Rae at Tales of a Kitchen Witch Momma describes life with the sometimes bumbling but always lovable Pantsless Man. (@kitchenwitch)
• G-O-T-E-A-M! — Jessica at This Is Worthwhile made sure her future husband agreed with her parenting choices early in their dating. (@tisworthwhile)
• how we come to parenthood — Michelle at womanseekingmother dances with her husband around the subject of cosleeping. (@seekingmother)